Ok. Can't sleep. Haven't been able to sleep properly for the past week. Went to bed at 2:30am this morning and I woke up at 5:30am and my mind was racing. Amazing, when I had to be up early for work or school, you couldn't drag my ass out of bed with a fork lift. Now that I have a little bit of time off during the day (to focus on my play) an Ambien/Xanex/Tylonol PM cocktail washed down with a shot of Nyquil can't seem to keep me asleep.

Typing these blogs is kind of weird. I feel like Doogie Howser. Or better yet, Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex in the City where at the end of the show they type into their digital diaries something profound. Doesn't matter to me that there are probably 4 or 5 people that will be reading this, 2 of which may be my parents. It feels good to write when there is a lot on my mind.

So why can't I sleep? Probably due to anxiety (duh) and excitement. Two main ingredients for insomnia.

Last night rehearsal was grueling. We just started blocking the play. For the couple of people out of the 5 that are reading this that don't know what blocking is: Blocking is the term for ALL physical movement and action that takes place during the course of the show (or scene in a TV show or Movie). This is the hardest part (mentally and physically) for an actor during the rehearsal process. You still have your scripts in hand, your lines and character are not yet familiar to you, and you need to keep track of where to move or what to do in each scene or on each line. So you clumsily move through each scene, trying to keep track of each physical action, fumbling over props, stumbling over furniture mainly because you have your damn script in hand. It is the most tedious yet very necessary part of the rehearsal process. It is a time when you feel like the worst actor because you don't quite have the character down yet. You can't possibly summon the emotions required because everything at this point is so technical. So this is where we are at in the rehearsal process. Sturgis, the director, has been wonderful about keeping the lines of communication open for collaboration.

One luxury we have is that we are rehearsing in the actual space where we will be performing. A rarity in theater. Most times you don't get onto the actual stage until a week or two before opening night (depending on the size of the show). The space is very small and intimate. Especially for professional theater. There are only about 70 seats in the house though it LOOKS more like 40.

I feel a bit self conscious with the writer at the rehearsals. I am constantly wondering if I am staying on track with my interpretation of the character he had in mind when he was writing the play. It's a bit neurotic. Especially since he was one of the decision makers who cast me in the role. But then again, I am an actor AND I'm Jewish. Which pretty much makes me a big f'n mess.