Greetings to my one or two readers (mom & dad),

It is nearly 2 o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. Not because I am depressed or anxious about what may or may not come of my future. But quite the contrary. I am happy and thrilled and thankful for what may or may not come of my future.

This past weekend I was working at a girl-friend's real estate firm to earn extra cash for new and spectacular headshots: (http://clients.peterhurley.com UserName: TWall Password: Photos). One of the lovely sales agents there, Erica, asked me to accompany her while she shows someone an under construction multi-million dollar Penthouse Apartment at another building. This led to a very random encounter with somone in the entertainment business. Someone who is rather high up in it. But even more bizarre was our connection to 9/11 and our survival experiences and losses. We exchanged numbers and talked quite a bit about this, and our new found appreciation of life, and our karmic duty to help our fellow man. Last week I was in a kind of funk and I couldn't figure out why. I know part of it was because I am still in a transitional phase in my life. I do not have the security of a full time job but mind you I have been finding ways to bring in a decent income --- LEGALLY [just in case someone from the FBI, CIA, IRS, NSA, NYPD, GLAD, MADD, NY Dept of Labor, or any other organization that can potentionally make my life a living hell - is reading this]. I do not have an acting job/audition lined up as of yet nor the comforts of a lovely woman to make the pain in my anquished, lonely soul go away...along with the pain in my balls.

So before you start going "WAAAAH wah waaaaaaa - cry me a river" - let me say I am over that. And life is funny like that. Peaks and Valleys. Time and again this happens and I have yet to stay calm during the valleys. No matter how bad things are, each day is a new day and you never know what's around the corner. A simple phone call can change the outcome of your entire life...put you on a path to success that you had no idea existed in all the moments before that fateful phone call. I am sure I am talking out of my ass right now. I don't care. Because I can't sleep. I need to write down all the things that people tell me I should be grateful for but I fail to see it for myself. For that I am ashamed. Who exactly do I thank for this though? God, Jesus, a guardian angel, the cosmos, fate, The Force, The Schwartz? I don't know so I will just thank away. Here it goes.

Thank you for Howard Stern's Radio Show. I would have lost my life on 9/11 had I not been listening to him that morning. I am happy to be alive.
Thank you for allowing me to grow up in such a wonderful family - but I am still neurotic and in need of therapy. Go figure.
I am thankful for such gorgeous, sweet nieces and nephews. Emily, Haley, Evan, Jeremy and Stephanie - you all rock!!
I am thankful for the fact that whenever I think I am about to go into the "red" financially, that random phone call would come and suddenly I have a job for quick and easy money. OR even a random residual check from an acting job i did a while back will pop up in the mail.
I am thankful for having such a great group of friends. The support from my closest friends from 1st grade is something that is incomprehensible. Undeniable. Unbreakable. They will be my friends to the grave.
I am thankful for my mentor/acting teacher/friend Joe Ross for lifting my spirits when I was having the most difficult times and he gave me the strength to keep moving forward with my aspirations.
I am grateful for my old boss, Charlie Cortese for his guidance and support and for simply being a bosses' boss while maintaining a true level of humanity - He sees no one as above or below him. A rare trait for someone of his social, corporate, and economic status.
I am thankful for my agent, Tracey Goldblum at Abrams Artists who has went above and beyond her job as my "commercial" agent. Tracey you rock. I am proud to be with Abrams Artists commercial department.
I am thankful for having such hardworking agressive managers at Atlantic Management. I feel there will come a time (hopefully soon) when my career will take a giant leap and large Theatrical agents will then be pursuing me rather than the other way around. As it should be. They will have to contend with Atlantic.
I am thankful for my path crossing with Darin Beckstead's - I believe in his talent as a filmmaker and he believes in mine as an actor. I am excited to be working with him again on a FEATURE film project this time.
I am thankful for my affordable apartment.
I am thankful for my parents beach house providing me a haven for when I need to escape the city.
I am thankful for my own personality and ambition and strength and fortitude that has helped me to stand tall and to keep on marching forward.
I am thankful of all my acting gigs that I have earned, most recently The Sopranos regardless of how small the part is. I am sure a million people would be glad to trade places with me to speak those lines on that show.
I am happy that I live in the greatest city in the world.
I am happy I am healthy and I have all of my limbs.
I am happy to be alive and I am happy that my family and relatives are all healthy and alive.
I am happy that I have gardian angels that seem to keep providing me with exactly what I need at specific moments in my life.
And MOST of all, I am happy I am finally starting to fall asleep. I am sure whoever reads this, will probably fall asleep if they haven't already by this point. Consider this blog A Literary Ambien - with a dash of Paxil dust. Goodnight.

Posted by Todd Wall at 1:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

ACTING IS PRETENDING

Funny. I once heard a casting director say to his class that he wouldn’t even bring an actor in to read if he didn’t see on their resume that they graduated from Julliard, Yale Drama , NYU or any other top drama school.

Of course I heard a barage of murmurs from the class immediately following the rediculous statment. I could see everyone mentally filling out their grad school applications so they will climb further into debt, take themselves out of the business for three years in the hopes of possibly getting a better agent and getting called in to read for this one Casting Director. And really, God Bless all the actors who went to such top schools. That's terrific. And I applaud you! Sometimes I wish I had applied. Would I be much further along in my career had I gone. Who knows? And does it mean that you are guarenteed an Oscar or even a steady acting career when you graduate such a prestigious acting school? No. If you didn't go to one of the aforementioned top schools does it mean that you don't even stand a chance at a steady professional acting career? No. Are your chances a little better in snagging a top agent coming out of one of those schools? Absolutely. Especially if you look like a young Brad Pitt or Charlize Theron. I do know a terrific actor who graduated Yale Drama and somehow it hasn't yielded a terrific agent nor a steady career. Unfortunately, a steady acting career is really the one profession that isn't necessarily based on meritocracy. You can struggle for years and years and finally pop at the age of 40 if at all OR you can get discovered in an arcade and without a single class, star in your very first studio movie with a famous action hero (ie Edward Furlong in T2). Nearly 80% of Hollywood (by Hollywood, I mean the top earners - the A-List actors) had never attended a top acting school much less taken a real acting class.

There were a lot of talented people in this class, paying tons of money to learn something from this casting director. And of course to make another connection, hoping that they'll get noticed by this person which would then yield a major acting job. Then crushes everyone by saying - I repeat: "...I will not even bring an actor in to audition for me if they did not go to Julliard, Yale Drama , NYU or any other top drama school."

Are you kidding me? Now I could understand a top hospital or top law firm or NASA saying that about Harvard, Yale, Princeton or Cornell where people's very lives are at stake. But actors!? Let's get real. Yes there is a technique and a skill to learn when it comes to stage, and screen (especially when dealing with the classics such as Shakespear) but come on now, it’s not rocket science. We are not changing the world here. I mean, what is acting, really? I'll tell you. Acting is simply pretending. That’s all we actors do. We pretend to be someone else. A specific character in a specific circumstance that a writer has provided for us. That’s it. Children pretend all the time. Little boys pretend to be army soldiers in war or professional athletes making the game winning score in the last few seconds while little girls pretend to be princesses, nurses or mommies. Some people pretend better than others. As long as you don't become self-conscious when the lights go up, or the camera starts rolling and the director yells, "Action!" You'll be fine. Actually, you'll be better than fine. You'll actually be good. That's the whole trick to pretending. Just use your imagination the way a child would. Of course, as adults it's much harder to let go of our inhibitions and truly immerse ourselves in the imaginary character and situation or circumstance. So I personally do believe in preparation. That's really where the technique lies. In the preparation. But still, when we are actually performing or acting, all we are doing is just pretending.

So. Actors / Pretenders: Ignore the camera. Ignore the boom mic. Ignore the crew. Ignore the audience. Just play and play honestly. Just pretend. And who knows, if you pretend good enough, an Oscar, Emmy, Tony, Golden Globe, SAG, or MTV Movie Award could very well be in your future.

Posted by Todd Wall at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)