I am a Jew and I went to church yesterday. It's complicated but this is how it happened. Back in December I was amidst my callbacks for the show Lenny & Lou. I was up for the roll of Lou and naturally I would have killed for the part. I told my roommate who is a devout Christian to pray for me. He said, "I will." And then he said something along the lines of, "You know, God loves you too, Mate (he's from New Zealand) and he'll listen to your prayers as well. You can pray to Him also." So I said, "I will and if I get the part I will attend church with you one of these days." He always bragged how awesome his church was and he always seemed to come home very happy. So if you've been following my blogs you know that I did get the part. I have been putting it off long enough so I told my roommate that I am a man of my word (and I am) and tonight would be the night. He was stoked. So after work at MTV (had to plug my new job) I walked to the Times Square Church on 51st Street and Broadway and met Dylan (my roommmate) and this was my experience:

The church was nothing but a converted Broadway Theatre. It was basically packed. No staind glass windows or crucifix's in sight. Just the theatre, the stage and it's occupants. I liked it already. Now here's the weird part. I did feel out of place. No one but myself and Dylan would ever know that I was Jewish yet I still felt so out of place. Like I really didn't belong. I truly felt like a minority. Probably not even a fraction of what a person of "real" ethnic diversity must face everyday.

At exactly 7:05pm the curtain parts to reveal a band, a black man at a grand piano and a 50 - 60 person nearly all black gospel choir. Nearly everyone standing, clapping, singing out the Lord's name, Jesus, Our Savior. It was a sight. Very moving. I was still pretty bashful and I was barely clapping. I couldn't help but look all around me. It wasn't the song, the words, the music or even the spirit of God that captured me. It was watching how the spirit of God captured everyone around me. It was real folks. Really real...for them. I envied them. All of them. They were praying to something real...to them...something so tangible...to them...as real as the laptop I am typing on. The joy, the glory.

I must imagine it to be something like this:

You know how when you first meet someone you really connect with on a romantic level? That excitement, the joy, the feeling of total inspiration like you can accomplish anything? This is, I imagine what these true believers must feel everyday or at the very least when they come to this church.

The singing went on for a total of 45 minutes. The praises, the hands waving in the air, the tears, the singing, the dancing in place, eyes closed and arms outstretched to the Lord. A congregation of all races, sexes, ages, social and economic status' all unified in song and glory praying to one God, their God, their Savior, Jesus Christ. The music was great, and seeing everyone so moved was moving in it of itself. Did I feel the presence of God? I don't think so. But I tried. I kept a completely open mind. I closed my eyes. I raised my hands even. I felt foolish but I did it anyway. I wanted to feel what the black man wearing those black & white checkered chef's pants in front of me was feeling. He was definitely feeling the love. screaming out "Glory!" and "Yes, Jesus" and "Hallelujah!" I have never seen someone so happy. So exalted. So FREE. Again. Envy.

And at some point during the 45 minutes of Song and Dance in the name of the Lord a pack of young hot women came in and walked up the stairs past Dylan and I. Naturally, as a heterosexual man...a NON-devout christian, and a flat out horny Jew, I looked. No. I stared. No, I gawked at the lovely asses of these young women.

"PRAISE JESUS!!" I wanted to shout. "Amen!"

Then I realized that I am in church and turned to Dylan and shouted over the music, "I must really need saving!" in reference to my impure thoughts. He shouted back, "You're in the right place, Mate!" Amen!

Now when all the singing, dancing, and praising was done, an 80 year old preacher with lots of childlike energy gave a sermon. Telling stories of Jesus and his deciples from the book of Matthew. They were quite humorous. Of course there was a current/relevant message for each story told. The response was amazing. The preacher/congregation relationship was like a group of people reminiscing about the old days, telling stories of a long lost friend and what a character he was. "Oh that Jesus, he done it again. What a character!" Praise be Him. Mm Mm MMM!"

Two stories stuck in my mind. The first was the story of Jesus with the utmost humility washed the feet of his deciples. What I got from this was that NO person is greater than another and we should all be servants to each other. Tom Cruise is no greater than the coffee vendor who served me coffee on the way to work this morning.

The second story was that with Jesus walking on water. He called out to Peter to come join him and Peter leapt from his boat and walked toward Jesus on the water. When he looked down and realized he was on the water he immediately sank. The message here I take it was, with faith you can walk on water and with doubt you will surely sink.

Am I a convert? No. Am I a Jew for Jesus now? No. Do I want to believe? Absolutely. Saying you believe is one thing. But truly believing it and feeling that presence in your heart with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY like Dylan and the rest of the people around me do is a whole other realm of existence that the rest of us can not comprehend. I must say they are happier, free-er and they don't fear death. Heaven to them is as real a place as New York City.

The skeptics (including myself) will say, you can't see God, you can't taste, smell, hear, or physically touch Him. So how can he possibly REALLY, TRULY exist? But the retort to this is -- Love. You can't see it, taste it, smell it, hear it or physically touch it... but you know it's there and it does exist. Interesting, huh?

Although I am not religious, I am still so proud to be Jewish. But the stories of Jesus and the bible are marvelous and I can't say for sure if all of them, or some of them or even any of them are true. However they definitely carry a relevant message that is timeless.

I for one am trying real hard to believe in Something. A presence greater than myself. I am also a realist. I along with the rest of us need a logical, scientific explanation for our existence. But naturally when times get real tough, and our pain and sorrow become too much for us as human beings to bare it is always easier to know that there is a higher power for us out there that will give us strength, listen to our pain and guide us through a dark time. This is certainly better than the alternative - which is...well...nothing. It's always better to believe in SOMETHING than nothing. Right? So my journey toward faith will continue. In the meantime, I still believe in the overall message of Jesus and the bible and that is: Spread Peace and Love across the planet and have faith that a better day is upon us. How's that for profoundness!?

Now go! Spread the word! Godspeed! And may the forces of nature bring a blessed Spirit to your heart - and release the impurity of Satan with a great big fart!