So I went to Six Flags Great Adventure the other day with my roommate, Dylan and a Christian Youth Group. His.

Hey, I am still a Jew. And proud of it. It was just a great package deal. $30.00 for the theme park entrance AND the charter bus that took us to and fro. The two of us went for one purpose and one purpose only. To ride Kingda Ka. A roller coaster using the same technology on aircraft carriers' launch decks for fighter jets. You are launched horizontally at an acceleration from 0 - 128 miles per hour in 3.5 seconds at a force of 5 g's (that's 5 times the force of gravity) and once it reaches its top speed it shoots straight up into a vertical 3/4 turn 45 stories (455 ft.) high, losing it's momentum as it slowly arcs over a crescent and then gaining back its speed as it plunges vertically into a 270-degree (three-quarter) spiral straight back down to earth at over 120 mph.

While we were waiting for the bus to depart on Broadway and 51st, in the damp weather at 8:20 in the morning a super cute blonde, Sarah, who arranged the whole trip (and she did a fantastic job) initiated roll call. I was sitting with my roommate Dylan when she rattled off the list of names on the bus. She said, "When you hear your name called answer only with 'Here'."

Funny. There is always at least ONE clown that just has to yell out "Present!" I can't believe after 30 years of hearing roll call somehow "present" still gets a laugh from their peers.

So picture this - Sarah shouts,
"ROLL CALL!" [and begins]

"Chanelle ... Charmaine ... Shaniqua ... Tyrone ... Chantel ... Aisha ... Kaisha ... Luella ... Isaia ... Dylan ... LaTika ... Jesus [pronounced with an 'H'] ... Shaquil ... Precious ... Lucsious ... Aliyah ... Letanya ... Josiquez ... Froziquez ... Afroziquez ... Kya ... LaFonda ... Lucinda ... Croatshia ... Rashad ... Mya ... Lya ... Pants on Fya ... and Todd"

And we're off.

We get to the park. It starts to drizzle. We head straight to Kinda Ka. Everyone was quite roudy on line.

Watching this roller coaster take off at such a speed and velocity and then skyrocket on a 90 degree verticle climb was just simply frightening and...and...unnatural. So intimidating that not only were the people on the ride screaming, but the people in line were screaming as well. Everyone started to turn a little green. Some even left the line. I popped a Xanex. Actually two...and 1/2.

Two amazing things happened on the line. The first was, Dylan started talking to this very large, very ripped, tatoo laiden black man. He was one from the roudiest bunch on line. Now here I am just slightly bummed for reasons I do not know (maybe the Xanex just hasn't kicked in yet). Anyway, this man proceeds to tell us how he was incarcerated (we never found out why nor did we dare ask) for 10 years. Of course he lost his wife and kid to another man while in prison. He explained how he hit rock bottom. He didn't know if it was even possible for life to get any worse or any better. Then he found Jesus in prison and when he got out in 2002 he made a new life for himself. What blew me away about him was his peace of mind, his now gentle soul, and a look of happiness, purposefullness, and a love for humanity and life. Godbless him. He was a big, excuse me, a very big guy and if I were God, I'd certainly bless him too. Wouldn't want any problems in heaven.

The 2nd was once we got to the front of the line a couple kept looking at me and whispering. Naturally I checked my nose for any visible snot. None. Then they tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I was the guy who played Lou in Lenny & Lou in New York. I replied in shock that I was. And the two of them yelped and said how my performance and the play "changed them." That was their first play and they were absolutely floored. They happened to know the writer, Ian Cohen. It was this on top of the Xanex which just kicked in that put me in a natural/UNatural state of euphoria.

[ A bell rings]! Shit, the gate opened and it was time for us to board the coaster. My heart said a basic "Fuck You" to my Xanex and started to race uncontrollably. I haven't been on a roller coaster in several years. I climbed in and pulled the harness down over my head and buckled myself in. Tight. Really tight. My hands were shaking. Dylan was excited. I was a bit of a wreck. The techies do a quick check on everyone's harness and then a bell sounds again and our coaster leaves the docking station and coasts into position. We sit there for what feels like an eternity. I can see what looks like a a quarter mile of track in front of me and at the end - a jaw dropping, TOWERING Crescent. 45 Stories high.

I glance down at the spectators and soon-to-be participants still in the line outside. Looking at us in their own excitement, fear and even pity. It reminded me of a crowd of spectators in front of the guillotine during the French Revolution anxiously waiting for it to claim its next victim's head.

Then a loud horn sounds. The point of no return. My eyes widen. My jaw clenches. I grip the bars so fucking tight you can probably still see the imprints of my fingernails. Time seemed to suspend forever even though we knew that launch will occur any second. And then...... Whooooooosh!

oooooooohaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

The acceleration was unbelievable. Unatural. Breathtaking (literally). To the point when just as we reached maximum speed I wanted off! I wanted it to stop. It was just too too TOO much.... just when I hit that breaking point the coaster sails skyward and it is now that I can catch my breath for a moment. The coaster looses it's speed and momentum slightly as it arcs over the top of the crecsent creating a feeling of weightlessness. And now it is about to begin it's descent. I can see the puney ground directly below us as we plunge and twist STRAIGHT back down to earth at a speed of over 120 mph. The coaster starts to straighten out again as it sails over a "camel hump" and back down to a surprisingly smoothe stop. You can hear everyone trying to catch their breath while they madly apploaud. My eyes are still wide, my breath is starting to return to normal as we slowly coast back into the station. The brace releases and I slowly stumble out trying to catch my balance as my equilibriam is slightly askew. I feel like the wind was just knocked out of me. I am now exhausted. Dumbfounded. Trying to figure out what the fuck just happend and who the fucker was that designed such a...such a...such a crazy mother fucker of a ride! NOTHING IN THE ENITIRE WORLD mattered during those 54 seconds [except wanting to feel my heartbeat again]. Then I look over at Dylan who shouts, "You wanna do this again!?"

"Abso-FUCKING-lutely!!!"

Goodnight.

For a virtual ride go to http://www.sixflags.com/parks/greatadventure/Rides/KingdaKa.html (scroll down and download to take a virtual ride) and you will see exactly what I was talking about