I am not exactly sure what to write in this blog. My head is swirling with emotion - all kinds - and I feel the inspiration brewing. There is so much I want to share with my computer and I don't know where to begin.

So let's start light: On Memorial Day Weekend I bonded with my family at our shorehouse down in Long Beach Island, New Jersey. I will go into detail about this amazing weekend (in a later blog) which was both sad and delightful at the same time.

While I was down there I bought a James Patterson book to read on the beach. My family are all huge James Patterson fans. He writes great supenseful murder mysteries. So I bought one of his books thinking I would get caught up in some type of suspenseful story like in all the previous books of his that I read.

Anyway the book's entitled, "Sam's Letters to Jennifer." It turns out it is a novel OOZING with sappy intertwined love stories. But I got really sucked in and genuinely moved by the stories. I know that because a quarter way through the book, I started to grow some tits. Half way through, my penis started shrival. And by the time I finished it, there were tears coming out of my eyes and when I pulled off my panties to put on my pajamas, I noticed I had a full fledged vagina. It was the greatest sappy romance novel a guy could ever read.

I would write more about my weekend with the family and also share with my reader(s) some tragically humorous dating experiences I have had over the years. But right now I am starting to get cramps so I need to go put a tampon in before bed and take some Advil. I am feeling rather bitchy and I hate men because they are such assholes and dawgs. Whatever happened chivalry!? Why can't a man just look at me when I am talking and really listen instead of constantly darting his eyes down and around my breasts. Why can't more men be like me when I was a man...This freaking book! Damn you James Patterson [crying] - DAMN YOU! [wailing] Now I can't stop crying. Too much pain. Too much pain. I am shutting down. Goodnight.