THE SCORE
I met this beautiful Russian girl...from Russia. And no, she is not a mail ordered bride. I met her on MySpace. I do not recall how I came across her profile. I just remember seeing her picture and thinking how I wanted to meet this girl. She's 26 (as of May 2nd), tall, tan, blonde and slim. I scanned her profile and saw that she speaks several languages...fluently. English (just like me), Spanish and of course, Russian. She is a certified court interpreter and she claimed to be an art aficionado, and has a love for Salsa dancing. So after scanning her page it dawned on me that there was something more to her than just her looks. I wanted to find out more about this girl from Chelyabinsk…don’t try to pronounce it, because if you don’t know what you’re doing your mouth and tongue will start to bleed. Speaking of which, she changed her last name when she came here. I am suspecting because her original last name contained 23 of the 26 letters of the English alphabet and the 3 that weren’t in her last name were vowels. It is my assumption that when Americans tried to pronounce her last name they would need total mouth/jaw reconstructive surgery. Anyway not to go off on a tangent here, but she saved a lot of American mouths (including mine) by changing her last name.
So I started communication with a simple email. We kept our emails light for about a month. No hints of dates or anything of the sort at first. With the help of NASA, the CIA, FBI Surveillance Teams, ATF, the IRS, MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers) and UNICEF I got a date with her. I suspect it was because I never let on at first that that was my intention. I kept each email very simple. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to ask her out. For one, she lived in Jersey and two, I just wasn’t in the mood to get to know someone new. But our emails started to insinuate that we may get together someday and finally she asked me to ask her out. In a way that was very hot. I did. She doesn’t travel to the city much so I knew I wanted to make her trip worthwhile. I got discount tickets to Avenue Q through my company so that was our first “date.”
DATE 1
At first glance: It was the Saturday before Easter. I waited for her outside Penn Station. As soon as she stepped out and onto the street our eyes locked and gave each other a hug and kiss. No, no tongue…just a peck. Now this is what first blew me away. She showed up with a bag of chocolates and an Easter Bunny. She knew I was Jewish but still didn’t want to show up without anything. This was the sweetest gesture. Ever. Not because I have an Easter Bunny fetish, but because in ALL my years of dating this was the first time, EVER that a girl showed up with a li’l gift to thank me in advanced for taking her out. She earned about 25 points for that maneuver.
So on we press to Bryant Park for a few drinks before the show. She had a great sense of humor. And with a little bit of alcohol we both loosened up a bit more. We were a few blocks and a few avenues away from the show. A good 15 minute Manhattan walk and because it was chilly the walk could have seemed a bit longer so I offered a cab ride to the theater. She opted for the walk. Another 15 points earned.
The show: While the play was going on I kept glancing at her to see how she was enjoying the show. I have to say, she had the cutest smile and laugh. She looked like a kid in a toy store. So excited. Her eyes wide open and a smile so wide her teeth added extra light for the actors. A good 5 points. (I’d give more but the show was really good and you’d have to be completely comatose not to enjoy such a show).
I have a small confession to make…when we got up from our seats I took a gander at her ass. That’s right. A gander. A very quick glance at her ass.
Ok. Ok. I gawked. I stared. I fixated. And now MY face had the big smile like a kid in a toy store. Or more like a grown man in the porn section of a video store.
Now before you start calling me shallow. She later admitted to me that she checked out my ass when I went up to the bar to get our drinks at Bryant Park grill. You see? She checked out MY ass even before I checked out hers. How rude of her! I feel so objectified! She said she was pleased but I highly doubt her smile was as big as mine.
So there you have it, each of us, on our way to dinner after the show secretly thrilled about each other’s ass. How romantic.
Dinner: We ate at a cute little Italian place on West 44th street. Conversation flowed. Still wasn’t quite sure what vibe was being thrown at me. Was it the, friend vibe? Or was it the “I hope he kisses me vibe?” Just so you know. The first kiss on any date can be a bit nerve racking for any guy. After all he is the one that generally has to make the move. It’s gotta be perfect timing, the perfect moment or you might just get the last second head turn and connect with her cheek. And then maybe even a pat on the back. If that happens, consider yourself fucked! And not in the good way.
I decided to still keep it cool and not make a move. I had to slap the mental hand cuffs on myself. Very hard to do being as attractive as she was.
The Final Moments - Penn Station: Being a true gentleman. I waited with her at Penn Station until her train came. One could say I was also buying time to figure out if this was a kissable opportunity or not. It should have been obvious to me that when we were walking she asked to lock her arm in mine. Not to mention that when we were waiting she leaned into me to rest her head on my chest. Hmm. Ok, feel free to slap me upside the head. Believe me – I heard that sergeant’s voice in my head again (the one from “The Actress That Got Away” blog). The voice was screaming, “Kiss her you pussy!” But instead we talked some more while I stroked her hair. The moment wasn’t right. It just wasn’t right. Then, they announce her train. FUCK! She stands up to gather her things. I stand up and now the sergeant’s voice was screaming again, “Wake up!! WAKE UP YOU FUCKCHOP!"
Continuing: "You got 30 seconds to produce a kiss or you will be DIShonorably discharged – you got that!?!"
Then out of nowhere, she lifts up her shirt a little to show me her cute little navel ring.
Sergeant: “IF YOU DON’T KISS HER RIGHT N—"
And just then, I woke up out of my daze. I hooked my index finger into the loop of her jeans and pulled her in toward me and we kissed. A sweet, sweet kiss. I cupped her face while our lips met and it was nice. Very nice. I walked her to her train. A final kiss. She thanked me again for a lovely evening.
Sergeant: “You done good kid. You done good.”
The Day After: The next afternoon, I got a phone call from her to thank me again. Another 20 points. How could a girl this hot be this cool? It defied logic.
DATE 2
The following weekend we went to the Bodies exhibit at the South Street Seaport. Then a boat ride around lower Manhattan. Yes, I know, a bit touristy…but who cares. The day was beautiful and we were having a great time. After the boat ride we get a bite to eat. I slip away to the restroom for a minute to do my thing and then arrived right before our meal.
Why is this important information you may ask.
Well. I’ll tell ya. At the end of our meal, I ask the waiter for the check. He brings the check WITH her credit card already in the brown booklet thingy (what the hell is that thing called?). You see. When I was in the restroom she slipped the waiter her card so she could take ME out. What can I say…but…30 points. The most earned so far.
We also hung out in Central Park and she suggested I get a cigar to smoke there.
Don’t worry. There is a catch. A small one. She did admit that she can be a bit stubborn and brutally honest. And to a degree - pushy. If one let’s her. Something that didn’t come out until Date 3.
DATE 3
She took a cab from Penn Station to my apartment. I waited on the stoop for her. The cab pulls up. She steps out, and I literally had the breath sucked out of my lungs. She looked like a supermodel. Seriously. Long beautiful blonde hair, a cool funky tight dress. Nice elegant high healed shoes. Actually that was the perfect way to describe her in that moment. Elegant. The plan was to go to The Met. Yes, I know. More touristy stuff. But again. So fucking what. It was a cool activity.
I must admit I felt the slightest bit insecure with her in the high heals because she was taller than me. Stupid. But it’s the truth. She immediately said she didn’t like the shirt I was wearing. MINUS 20 points!
I gave her a look and she laughed and said that there has to be something better in my closet as she generally likes my style of dress. I pulled out a few things that she didn’t like. I threatened that I was going to wear my tank top and Speedos with my 8 inch 1970’s platform clogs if she didn’t stop making fun of my outfit choices. Finally, we agreed upon a cool outfit. It does sound pushy doesn’t it. But I guess her point was that she got herself primped up nice for me and that I should wear something nice too. Alright. I’ll give her that. Just as a guy wants his woman to look hot when they are out, a girl wants her guy to look hot as well. Or at least presentable. And by the way I made her change her shoes so I would be taller than her.
The Met: We get to The Met. First thing she does. This gorgeous, elegant, fashionably dressed, sexy woman - buys a hot dog! 53 points!!!
We walked through the museum and I was so impressed with her knowledge of art. Unbelievable actually. Before we left the museum, she went to the ladies room and I waited near the gift shop and my eyes locked onto a book about surrealism and art and it featured a bunch of her favorite artists including Escher and Dali. I bought it for her and surprised her when she got out of the bathroom. 47 points for me. She loved it and was so appreciative.
We went for coffee and then to one of my favorite little places. A cute Peruvian restaurant on the Upper East Side. Great Sangrias. We ate hearty. Got a bit looped, and came back to my place. She stayed the night.
5000 points! : )
For both of us! : )
I am not sure what else to say. I am living in the moment. And I am enjoying my time getting to know this girl who seems to be very bright and very beautiful, inside and out. I am not some kook who thinks she is perfect. Nor am I. If we continue to date I am sure we will get to know each others imperfections soon enough. But for now…this girl is up 5128 points!
What a score!
