21st CENTURY DATING
21st CENTURY DATING
It amazes me just how many people - attractive, intelligent, successful people - have trouble finding their mate here in New York City and in other metropolises (or is it Metropoli?) such as LA, Chicago, Detroit, Atlanta, Boston, Baghdad and Kabul. Somehow the intellectually, cosmetically, and financially challenged folk seem to have no trouble at all finding love. Maybe they're just not as picky. Or maybe they can't afford to be picky. Whatever the case I felt a need to comment on this dyer situation. Ok, we acknowledged there is a problem. So maybe we can find the root of the problem, and then perhaps together we or maybe just I can come up with a possible solution.
It is very tough to be single in such hugely advanced cities like New York and Kabul.
You know what? Allow me to rephrase. It's actually quite easy being single. Back when I was single I certainly had a very easy time being single. The problem was finding a girl that would stick for a lengthy period of time – like months. Believe it or not I was one of those guys that was rarely ever single by choice. I was a nice guy always on the prowl for a nice girl to have a relationship with. But I was simply forced to be single for various chunks of time by all you crazy superpicky psychotic New York women…
Now hold on! Hold on! Before you get your panties all caught up in your crotch – and start slingin' your dirty tampons at me, I will also bring to light the shit stinking fuckchops we men are today. But understand, that it is my opinion that crappy men are more global where as a majority of the crappy women might be a little more contained here in the U.S. I don't know, I am just basing this on personal experience and stories from men and women both here and a[broad] (pun intended)When I said "crappy" in reference to some men and women– I just simply mean, unreliable, inconsiderate, ungrateful, and selfish. Cities like NYC and LA are simply Petri dishes infested with viruses like narcissism, materialism, impatience - a little bug that feeds this constant need in us to upgrade!
For Example:
Technology is increasing exponentially. As soon as you settle down with one gadget a year later what happens? Something better comes along. A better model, (or "supermodel"), a better monthly plan, one that's faster, cheaper, sturdier, crashes less, lasts longer, more free minutes, more durable, more memory, longer battery life, better colors, sleeker looking – and in case you think I am talking about the latest technological gizmos, I'm not. I am talking about people. Relationships. Everyone seems more reluctant to commit out of fear that something better might be coming around the corner - maybe even at a lower cost, hassle free with more run time!
Am I right?
Fuck you, you know I'm right.
And by the way, I am still talking about people.
That's why when you upgrade on anything (or anyone) you have to sign a 2 year contract saying that you'll commit to a particular service provider. Companies know how commitment phobic and impatient our society has become. So they make you sign something to ensure you won't leave them.
The same applies to relationships. It's called "marriage."
When the contract/commitment is broken you are expected to pay penalties – alimony, child support, and maybe half of everything you own. We all know the name of this broken contract – divorce.
Which is why I am sticking with Verizon. The cost of separating is just too great.
Unfortunately there are too many poor souls who will never be happy no matter who they're with. They simply look for the tiniest flaws in a person. It's a form of self-protection and it saves time and energy in committing to someone that may (or may not) work out. This is their shield from getting hurt. It also acts as a shield from finding happiness and balance in a loving relationship.
Example 1:
JANE:"Oooh, Todd, I had such a good time on the date. He's funny, he's charming, he lives an active life and has a great career. He's sweet, honest, and very fashionable! I mean I kinda like him… but…."
TODD:"Oh no. 'But'"…?
JANE:"Well, he doesn't seem to know how to eat pasta…"
TODD:"Huh?"
JANE:"He sort of slurps it up and then bites it and lets the extras fall back onto the plate"
TODD:"So…who cares? You gonna see him again, right?"
JANE: "Naaah, I don't think so. My mom always said that if I marry someone I should make sure they have impeccable table manners – because afterall I will have to sit across from this person the rest of my life."
TODD: "I pity you."
JANE: "Besides I hooked up with him last night and he has really hairy balls."
You see!? The poor schnook didn't stand a chance with this girl. She immediately dismissed a funny, charming, intelligent, successful bachelor because he didn't know how to twirl spaghetti. An easily correctable habit. And excessive ball hair can simply be trimmed…carefully.
Example 2:
JOHN: "Todd – this chick was awesome! Hot. For the most part. Sophisticated! Great smile, great teeth. I even made out with her at the end of the date."
TODD:"That's awesome! When you gonna see her again?"
JOHN: "See that's just the thing. I don't think I will."
TODD: "Why?"
JOHN: "Well, I she had kind of a noticeable black wart on her tit."
TODD: "Asshole, it's called a beauty mark…a birthmark."
JOHN: "Yeah. Well there is nothing beautiful about this mark and I can't date a chick that's been marked since birth!!"
TODD: "You're a schmuck!"
JOHN: "O.k. fine. She has hairy nipples."
TODD: "OOoof. That's rough."
JOHN: "And a hairy bush."
TODD: "How hairy."
JOHN: "It would take something massive to trim it – like a helicopter blade...or an airplane propeller."
And so Jane & John like many others continue their futile search for love.
Yes I know not everyone is like John & Jane. But we've all pulled a "John & Jane" in the past to convince ourselves NOT to get involved with a particular person for whatever reason.
Dating is even tougher now in 2008 than it ever was in the history of…history.
I attribute this to a number of things. For one thing. In a big city there are so many options it becomes quite confusing, overwhelming even, and we simply shut down. Crash. Each person seems to be more beautiful (and more successful) than the next. We are always looking to upgrade when living in cities such as New York or Baghdad. Wherever you turn your head there is a beautiful person. It's like buying the latest computer, cell phone, smartphone, PDA, flat screen plasma TV, blackberry, sidekick, iPod. What happens? 3 months haven't gone by before a newer version emerges into mainstream. Ahhhhh!!!
We now live in a world where we have become so accustomed to instant gratification – where nothing can get to us fast enough – from IMing, texting, instant wireless telepathic satellite web access so we can email our companions vacationing in Estonia just by thinking about it. Movies are now coming to DVD before they're even filmed. We no longer possess any patience to let things grow, blossom, flourish, and flow. Nobody wants to wait. Fuck, we get upset if we don't get a response back from our text message or email BEFORE we even hit "send!'
And because of our lack of patience we expect a raise without doing the work. The meal without having to prepare it. The body tone without having to workout. And the perfect relationship without putting in the effort, the time, and compromise. And so we expect a human relationship built on trust, love, and compromise to evolve as fast as we can compose and fire off a text message to an email which will be relayed instantaneously to the recipient's blackberry while vacationing in Yemen.
So now - men and women go out - and on the first date they are looking for explosive fireworks. A cinematic orchestra of romantic music playing in the iTunes section of their brains signifying that this person that now sits before them is their long awaited soul mate. Amen! Hallelujah!
But if you go out with someone, have a pretty good time and you find the person relatively attractive even though they are not quite as hot as Brad & Angelina give the person a second chance. Brad got Angelina because he's Brad and Angelina got Brad because she's Angelina. Be hopeful but be realistic. Nobody, not even the aforementioned celebrities, is perfect. We ALL have flaws. And no relationship is problem free and perfect. If you don't experience exploding fireworks of romantic and sexual chemistry right off the bat – snap out of it. Give this shit time! A 2nd date perhaps could be used to go on an 8 day Artic cruise.
But in all seriousness, do you really think you can size up a person on one date?! Yet we all try. Granted, if there is absolutely NOTHING there and you are absolutely repulsed to the point where you'd rather jab a rusty nail in your eye than spend another waking moment with the person - well then fine. Call it a night… or… well, be sure to sterilize that nail.
Unfortunately the odds of finding a mate in 2008 are stacked against us. With everyone's severe lack of patience and "stick-to-it-iveness" we have to now be more conscious of how we can increase our own stock value by creating a newer, sleeker, and better version of ourselves to stay one step ahead of our competition, and increase the odds of our consumer's commitment to us in an ever increasing volatile market such as 21st century dating.
